Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Don Rickles Roasts Democrats

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

AMERICAN COMEDIAN DON RICKLES ROASTS THE DEMOCRATS
IN
2010
ABOUT “CHANGE”
by
Don Rickles

* * *
Note:
What follows is scathing, sad, and the truth.
Only Don Rickles could get away with this kind of honest candor.
***

>>Click Here To Download PDF Version<<

Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?

Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint – A Saint Bernard

Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid’s so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I’d say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.

Speaking of the Speaker… Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. She really is an idiot.

Madame Speaker… want to make twelve bucks the hard way? Pelosi says she’s not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.

Charlie Rangel… still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel’s the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He’s the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn’t he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.

Barney Frank – he’s a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider… he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and they’re not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they’re still heading up the financial system!

Let’s all admit it… Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that’s right. . . . he’s from Massachusetts . . . . That’s the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry — man of the people!

You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with
him.

Here’s a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a “lying weasel”, it may be time to retire.

Dodd’s involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel looks up to him!

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you. . . . especially given your upbringing. All you’ve overcome. . . . I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don’t think you’re a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?

As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama’s arrogant and aloof, but I don’t agree.

Now it’s true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

His mind is open to new ideas — so open that ideas simply pass through it.

Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really was Barack.

Just don’t ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record. . . . he actually lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton.

FOR THOSE THAT VOTED FOR “HOPE AND CHANGE”, BEND OVER AND PREPARE TO RECEIVE YOUR BOUNTY!

President Obama just completed the UNHOLY and ANTI-AMERICAN TRIFECTA:

  • 1st president in 110 years to miss the annual Army-Navy Football Game.
  • 1st president to not attend any Christmas religious observance.
  • 1st president to stay on vacation after a terrorist attack.

AND ALL IN THE SAME MONTH!

WHAT A GREAT PRESIDENT

We Must Stop This Now!

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This  Immediately

Have you noticed that stairs are  getting steeper.  Groceries are heavier.   And, everything  is farther away.  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was  dumbfounded to discover  how long our street had  become!

And, you know, people are less  considerate now, especially the young  ones. They speak  in whispers all  the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just  keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the  same silent  message until they’re red in the face!  What do they think  I am, a lip reader?

I  also think they are much younger than I was at the same  age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so  much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and  she has aged so much that she didn’t even  recognize me.


I  got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing  my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not  made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!   You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull  onto the motor way in front of them.  All I can say  is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I  see them screech and swerve in my rear view  mirror.

Clothing manufacturers  are less  civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start  labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom  scales are pulling the same prank.   Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I  see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let  myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people  think they’re  fooling?

I’d  like to call up someone in authority to report what’s  going on — but the telephone company is  in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone  books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in  there!

All I can do is  pass along this  warning:

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something  drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to  suffer these awful  indignities.


PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE  YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS  CONSPIRACY  STOPPED!

PS: I am sending  this to you in a larger font size, because something has  happened to my computer’s fonts – they are smaller than  they once were.